For this week, I will be taking a break from writing on the U2 series, because I felt it imperative to visit the importance of coming face to face with the deep wounds we might still carry, and how they sometimes hide, and how the enemy can use them to attack those we love, either from ourselves or others toward us.
I have realized, with one important person in my life, due to my own lack of skills that I did not grow up with and learning later in life, that I deeply trespassed against them due to inner wounds, frustrations and lack of empathy at a certain points. I had valid concerns and boundaries that I was trying to set, yet, at a certain point, I saw their soul wounds becoming the monster that had crushed them, yet, at the same time, I was becoming the monster to defeat the monster.
Today, the accountability journey can be one of isolation at times. When your motor goes this way all day, all night, and with such an intensity, other’s might not often grasp it or see the importance of why accountability, not denying how our trauma can significantly decrease oneness and unity and working as a team in our relationships.
However, after being a bafoon and reacting, I have learned the necessity of really practicing skills to not react and to react or over communicate and to not bulldoze, which, I why I still think shadower from Carl Jung can be beneficial. What would don’t like about others we do ourselves. I don’t like the parts of myself that became verbally aggressive, and daggers and just harsh, to prove a point, even though, I had asked over and over again and was asking for love. But in the moment, I wasn’t displaying love. I was displaying the very thing I was accusing the other person of doing, which was not being love and walking not in communication, honesty, and solid conflict resolution.
The thing that really brought revelation to me the most is that often times, in conflict, we are all doing the same victim/abuse cycle to one another, and often times, at the same time, we are projecting the same thing onto the other individual in a different way. It’s just coming out in a different way or form. Which is way that mindset always has to be accountability and staying with the Holy Spirit. The most loving thing we could do or say in the moment is “I love you, we aren’t in Christ, let’s come back.” But know, that little Sheldon inside myself, wants to push it out of fear, rejection or abandonment.
We all have work to do and we sometimes get smacked in the head to get out of foolish pride and remind others to do the same. Let’s humble ourselves and go to Jesus. I have been amazed how far we can drift sometimes if we do not stay consistent or get stuck in the demonic and trauma cycles and do not use discernment in how these things work.
It takes real work to stay consistent by working on our divided hearts, and even more courage to admit when we are wrong and when we have been not emotionally safe to those we love. However, those are the people we stick with, who desire and keep going back for the cleansing of the heart.
This was a raw moment for me. An embarrassing one of all time. Learn, refocus and move on.
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