I wanted to talk today about the importance of accountability when it comes to communication. I have seen myself really grow and back slide at the same time in the past two years with one of the most important people in my life.
In ministry school, we are taught to address things on the physical level, soul wound/psychological level, and demonic realm. As of lately, I have noticed that the levels in which the enemy tried to capture a foothold with the person who has meant the most to me was in the realm of trauma and communication.
I have prayed about this several times, and had spoken about this to the person who meant the most to me, however, those pesky wounds from the past and cycles from the enemy continued to hit us hard.
For a quick blog today, I felt it important to take a few excerpts from Stuart Scotts book “Communication and Conflict Resolution: A Biblical Perspective.”If we do not have sound communication and conflict resolution from a biblical perspective, our relationships will not survive or honor one another. To me, this is one of the best books written on communication today. I thought I would share two important dynamics I see going on in the world today and what I noticed to be a downfall, in hopes that you will pray and incorporate these skills into your life and your relationships immediately.
4. “You must know how to listen. Good communication is dependent on good listening skills. James says “everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to become angry (1:19). James means that we need to listen more than we speak. Unfortunately, many of us do just the opposite, especially in the midst of a disagreement. Some of us will not let the other person get a word in edgewise. This talkativeness could be because we believe that only we could have anything valuable to say, because we simply like to hear ourselves talk, or because we are desperate to get our own way or be proven right.
If a person is not a good listener, he will most likely jump to conclusions. If he jumps to conclusions he will most likely say or do the wrong thing. We are warned about speaking before we have really heard what others have to say: He who gives an answer before he hears, it is folly and shame to him. Proverbs 18:13 ( Scott, 4).”
These are a few gems from this book, but I wanted to be honest about some of the things I see constantly in my own life and what have been the struggles I see. For myself, due to my own upbringing, there has been a tendency to over communicate when I wouldn’t feel heard, especially when Proverbs 18:13 would be going on, and it would tend to make me get very direct and harsh at times. Neither communication style was correct, loving, or biblical. In these times, people have a right to bring up concerns, but when both people are in and out of these two patterns, it will not bring the unity and oneness that Christ is teaching between his people.
On Monday, I will have an announcement about a new book that will becoming out to help bridge the gap on this with emotional safety and accountability.
I hope that this short little blog can help others in accountability and communication with those they love.
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