For this week’s track on accountability, we dig deep into probably one of Bono’s most personal and heartfelt tune’s. Written about the struggle with the relationship he had with his father growing up and throughout his adult life, this song hits to the core of what a lot of us experience growing up.
As I look my continued journey with LaRette and some of the obstacles we have had to overcome, I look back and reflect of some of the pain and things that I have gone through in my own life, still rearing it’s ugly head at points, yet, there is a grace that LaRette brings out, and as I have stated, the goal in my coaching practice is to have Jesus become your own personal life coach.
Listening to this song this week, as it has been a struggle, I see the things that LaRette has made me uncover, and how Jesus really does show up to refine me, and to prune the vines that are no longer useful to me as a man, and hopefully to LaRette as a woman as well. With this, I see a new project coming forth on accountability, which I am halfway through. I see the importance of this song in which, we as a church, and men and women, still lack critical skills, and me, I put myself humbly in this, need to continue to get comfortable with learning how to be diligent about being accountable on a daily basis, and learning how to be an emotionally safe person when concerns about our unloving behavior is brought to our attention. These skills are critical on both sides to have successful relationships and marriages, and let’s be honest, this is what the enemy is loving to destroy. I don’t see these skills anymore, and so many people are afraid to do this with one another or it is beaten out because of going through abuse.
In my book, The Love Well Letters, I talk about a lot of my experiences being close to death, growing up and what I felt was important to heal and prioritizing love and life. We have a choice and I know first hand what it is like to not have a sense of skills needed to be the best communicator when we endure some of those hardships. Yet, we have Jesus, to lean on. We have a choice to leave victimhood behind. It’s not easy. I get sucked back into it. We all do. Yet, we have a choice to learn these skills so we love others well. There is no other option. We cannot be the light as LaRette says if we say one thing and do another and cannot own our divided hearts. We have to have the courage to do that with safe people and more importantly, we have to learn to become the safe person. We both do in relationships, and not make excuses for it. We are the church. We stand against the gates of hell and it’s time to step it up. No more lukewarmness. Each of us processes things differently and has a different road map from Jesus.
For myself, I always keep an open mind to learn from everyone, because part of what they excel at maybe part of my healing and complete me and make me an asset, not a liability. These is what is coming soon will be about. Teaching others these skills and becoming assets, not liabilities. I can tell you LaRette has humbled me. I hope I have done the same, but there is a deeper level of maturity I looking to gain from these interactions.
So, when listening to Sometimes, my assignment for all of you is to go and look up the lyrics. Take the time to enter into your prayer closet and sit quietly with Jesus. Ask him to reveal to you how you might be causing someone pain and have the courage to sit with Jesus and yourself. Ask Jesus to teach you whatever skills you need to start becoming an emotionally safe and biblically sound conflict resolution master and communicator. It’s not about beating people down, nor being superior. It’s about creating win/wins and having a deep emotional and spiritual intimacy with others. Really reflect and ponder the meaning of this song and ask Jesus to course correct [As my ministry school teacher says] so you are no longer doing this to others anymore. Ask Jesus for the spirit of wisdom and understanding as Ephesians 1:17-23 states to help you gain the confidence that you don’t need to be fearful of taking accountability to own a concern that someone brings to you when you have sinned or trespassed against someone. The Holy Spirit is faithful. He can teach you these skills. If I can overcome and continue to learn, so can you. I am a walking testimony, and Jesus continues to refine me.
I learned that was my deepest core need with some core people in my life, and I learned still through a soul wound, that I became arrogant by not listening. Didn’t mean I was wrong with what I was asking for, but we cannot become the monster to defeat the monster.
Enjoy the song!
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